Guacamole and art and bikes. And germs.

I went to a party this weekend. The party was about guacamole. People made their own avocado-inspired dip and then judges picked their favorites. There was the Judge’s Choice and the People’s Choice.

My guac won the People’s Choice.

My entry was among the pure, unadulterated kind. Here are the ingredients.

-3 avocados

-1.5 lime (use the other half for Mexican lager, that you must drink during prep)

-1/2 jalapeño pepper

-1.5 slices of red onion

-Cilantro

-Salt

-Garlic powder

Your avocados need to be soft. But not too soft. If they’re too firm, wait a day or two. This is extremely important. Guacamole is about texture. No one likes a slimy green paste. No one likes a hard guac that breaks the chip.

Once you halve the avocados, squeeze the lime. Get your hands wet with the juice. Don’t be a weenie. Become one with your guac. Have some beer. Get in the groove.

Add salt and garlic powder. This is art, not science.

Mash the avocados with a meat tenderizer. But not too much. Allow for some chunk. Reward your guests with achieving the perfect scoop.

Slice your jalapeño pepper, and chop them finely. Use some of the seeds. But not all of the seeds. No one likes to be punched in the mouth with hotness. Just a hint.

Dice the slices of onion. Don’t go crazy with red onion. The star of this show is the avocado.

Chop the cilantro. Not too finely.

Then, combine the pepper, onion and cilantro and fold them into your unfinished guac with a spoon. By this time, your hands should be messy. They should have remnants of your creation on them, and the spoon should too. You should also taste the guac with this spoon. Don’t worry about germs. They’re already everywhere. This is art.

Guacamole is not cycling. But I wrote this because the feeling I get while making guacamole, and then sharing it with friends, is pretty damn close to the feeling I get when I’m in the saddle.

Cycotherapy, man. Cycotherapy.